and I'm home for the holidays.

The trip home was relatively boring, except for the part where the McIntyres got lost--and I unlost us. Me. Who will be forever mocked for getting lost at the Royal Winter Fair in grade 8. But I did arrive home safe and sound, in spite of it all.

It's good to be home. I've really missed a lot of it. Sisters fighting, a fridge full of food that I can eat whatever, whenever I want. Life is good.

I've only seen Gravity Man once since I've been home, which is unfortunate...and it's making me paranoid. I'm starting to wonder if Depo-Provera isn't having an adverse effect on my nervous system. I just did a lot more reading on it and many of the things that have happened to me (mood swings, dizziness, depression, etc.) in the past week are all possible side effects of the drug.

there's nothing worse than not knowing what's happening to you. I'm relatively sure I'm just being a little insecure, which is natural after spending so much time with the boy last week and then not being able to see him this week, right? Right? I hope so. Perhaps I can convince my mommy to take me to visit him sometime this week...maybe friday or something.

In classic Rhiannon insecurity, I'm just worried that maybe he's finally figured out that I'm not really all tht interesting, or terrific, but he doesn't know how to tell me that. I know in my heart that it isn't like that (oh god, I hope it isn't) but my head isn't doing so well. I've always thought that if anything would fuck up our relationship, it would be my personal insecurities...and here they go again. BUt I'm mostly trying to stay positive, and stay focussed on other stuff, like cleaning up my room. I needed to vent, though, which is why I love Diaryland. Bless them. I'm also pretty sure that no one ever reads this, so I don't have to worry about that...if I would be worried about that...but if somoene is reading this, please tell me what you think...god knows, I need it.

~Rhiannon

"I don't know why sometimes I get frightened
you can see my eyes
you can tell that I'm not blind...."
--Split Enz

{ prev & next }