This is going to be the first entry of two for today. Possibly for tomorrow as well. Depending on how much I can get done tonight. I don't really intend for anyone to read this. It's going to be honest about something I mostly only hint at, and I understand that a lot of people don't care. So, consider yourself warned: this is going to be about sex. And not necessarily in a good way.
Given that it's been roughly six and a half months since...well, since I lost my virginity, it's something that has been on my mind for a while. I don't know what to say. It was new year's eve. I was sick with mono, but I didn't know that yet. It hurt a lot. I felt really detached from it.
I always do. I don't regret it, but it still scares me. I have a lot of silly ideas about love, and I'm glad that this could happen with someone who really matters to me. Sometimes it scares me a lot, that one person can matter that much.
To be honest, it's not a lot of fun. It still hurts, though to different degrees, and I don't get a lot out of it. If you know what I mean. and I think you do. to say nothing of the amount of shit I've put up with on account of depo-provera, my chosen method of birth control. Bleeding, out of control hormones, mood swings...it's been crappy.
Do I make sense?
And sometimes I just feel so alone.
Rhiannon "she's only a girl making the best of her world what reason has she to cry she's only a girl"