Day off, sort of. I spend Sundays working for Norah at the store. It's only five hours, but sometimes it's a huge hassle. And it means I only get one day off a week, and that's irritating, because I don't get much time to do the stuff I need to do.
I've been doing a lot of thinking today. I shouldn't think. When I think, I get melancholy. Today's revelation? I am lonely. Everything in my life right now--work, the people there, trivia, my family, my 'friends'--is just a lot of meaningless noise that prevents me from thinking too much. I hate feeling this way, but I do. I smile, I laugh, I make jokes (usually bad, punish ones)...and none of it means anything. At the end of the day, I feel mostly empty. I don't feel like there are people out there who think about me and wonder how I am and what I'm feeling.
We went to the beach for an hour and I think that's what's caused all this. Being near the water usually calms me down, and soothes me...and it did, but it also made me feel small and insignificant.
I'm also reading the Virgin Suicides, which is not the happiest book in the entire world.
I had my mid-contract evaluation yesterday. It went surprisingly well--they think I'm an excellent intrepreter, and even though this is only my 2nd year there, I've turned into one of the "quiet leaders" on the staff. I also apparently have a good work ethic. I was really happy yesterday...and now I'm not.
Maybe the fact that I'm on day 19 of my period has something to do with it. No human being should have to suffer this. I'm making a doctor's appointment tomorrow.