Today was a really messed up day. Notice how I always want to start out my entries with some sort of general commentary on how my day was? How dumb is that? It's one of those weird little things where I don't really know why I do it, I guess. Anyhow, today was messed up.

It started out well enough, I woke up earlyish (before 9) and started cleaning my room. I've reached a sad conclusion that I cannot allow myself to continue my slovenly, pack rat-ish habits. I am the kind of person who likes to keep everything. I hate throwing things out. Also, with the exception of the past six months, I've only gained about ten pounds in the last four-five years (I've gained 10-15 in the last six months) so I've been wearing a lot of the same clothes since grade twelve. Except I keep buying more clothes without getting rid of the other ones, and it's starting to take up a lot of space.

I was supposed to work today at one, and I got a call last about a staff meeting at the same time, so I went to that. Turns out that the lady who was my boss was 'terminated' (their word) and so things are a little churned up at work, which means no work this week and none next (which sucks because I could use the money after not working for the whole month of December) while they try to figure out how to run the office without my former boss. It's an odd thing, as I know many people who did not like my boss, and did not get along with her, but I never had any problems with her myself, and she was always really good to me.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful until my sister called just after six to tell me that my parents are having one of our cats put down this weekend. Kinsey has been sick for a while now, so it's not a huge shock, but still pretty upsetting. She's a very sweet cat, although a hefty 20 lbs. We've had her since I was in grade nine, which I guess would make it seven years now. I'll miss her a lot, especially since I won't really get to say good bye.

I went for a very brief walk earlier. It wasn't as cold out as I had thought it was going to be, and I would have liked to have gone for a very long walk. But in North Bay I have nowhere to walk to, and I don't trust my sense of direction enough at night to not get me lost. It was a throughly depressing feeling: out on the streets, with darkness and snowflakes, and nowhere to go but home, which is the last I placed I wanted to be.

So I came home with some ice cream and made my way upto my room, which is where I am now. Waiting, once again, for a boy to call me. I have spent entirely too much time in the last two and a half years sitting around waiting for boys to call me and I'm frankly sick of it. Why do I always have to be at someone else's beck and call, putting my life on hold until they're able to slot me in?

I'm in a wretched mood and I think that if I was near anyone right now I'd probably snap and take their head off.

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