I'm really confused about everything these days. I'm coming up on a point where I need to start making a decision about the future quite soon and for the life of me I cna't make it.
I want, very much, to go to graduate school and persue my MA and my Ph.D. in literature studies. I want to teach at a university leader and I want to create a unified school of Canadian literary criticism. I want to do interviews on the CBC about different authors and their books. I want to be a part of the world of academia, no matter how insular and self-legitimating it is.
But. Grad school is expensive. To stay in Ontario, I have to live in a metropolitan area because the schools with the programs I want are in the big cities. (My current residence is in a town of 56 000). So in addition to the pricy tuition fees, there's the cost of living. There's also the part where, if I want to work in a university after graduation, I am limited to places where there actually ARE universities, which could be problmeatic in terms of my future with Mike. Because as much as he likes to think otherwise, he's a Simcoe County boy and heart and I really don't ever see him being more than a couple of hours away form his family--even if there are no jobs for me in that area.
There's also the part where grad school is SCARY. It requires being smart, and having ideas. And a place where those ideas are going to take you. I don't know if I have this. I don't know if I can hack it at that level.
My marks are also pretty borderline for getting in. Most schools want a B+ average, with an A- in your Honours courses (or an A- in your major). I currently have this (79.46 overall; 82.6 in English) but I don't have marks in my honours courses yet, and I don't know how that will turn out.
I have a pretty good complement of extra-curriculars, good school-related jobs and awards, and I also meet the second language requirements of most schools, so this is good.
The alternative to going to grad school is going to Teacher's College. I'm not opposed to the idea--after all, this is a big reason why I came to Nipissing in the first place--but I'm not in love with it the way I was when I first came to school.
I am guaranteed admission to TEacher's College here in North Bay, so there is no pressure in terms of that. It is also an intensive year, and statistically speaking, I am less likely to go to grad school *after* going to teacher's college.
We also have to lease a stupid laptop for $1500 that we don't get to buy after the year is over.
And it means another year in North Bay.
So this is basically what it boils down to...maybe this can explain why I cna't make heads or tails of any of this.